


we'll live in love forever

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: She supposes she’s thankful he broke up with her after her final day of shooting on Who. She isn’t sure she would’ve been strong enough to face him, even at work. Sure, they saw each other at the occasional convention but they never stayed alone together long enough to ever have a proper conversation since they separated. She doesn’t blame him at all - she had known from the start that she would never be enough for someone like Matt.





	we'll live in love forever

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'I Told You So' by Carrie Underwood
> 
> told myself i wasnt gonna post this but since i deleted three mattex fics a few days ago i figured i'd offer this one up as penance. not quite as good, but something, at least.

Alex opens her dressing room door with a quiet sigh, feeling tired and worn. She’s grateful that the play is doing so tremendously well, but a tiny part of her does wish that it wasn’t quite so draining. Being on stage for the full length of the play is challenging and mentally exhausting enough, but coupled with the enthusiastic fans braving out the cold for her, she’s positively drained of all her energy when she settles down onto the small couch.

 

A knock startles her and she clears her throat, attempting to sound friendlier than she feels when she says, “Come in!”

 

The door opens and a face she hasn’t seen in almost a year appears. Matt Smith, dressed in a nice suit, holding a bunch of flowers in his hand, grins down at her through his eyelashes, his hair falling into his eyes.

 

“Matt,” she says softly, her mouth gaping slightly.

 

“Hi,” he greets, smiling a little wider. “Am I interrupting something?”

 

“No, no, of course not,” Alex says, standing immediately and showing him into the room. “I just - I wasn’t expecting you.”

 

He smiles guiltily. “I know I should’ve called ahead, but I wanted to surprise you.” He scratches his cheek awkwardly. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

 

But Alex smiles reassuringly at him and gestures for him to take a seat on the sofa next to her. “It’s always good to see you, Matt.”

 

“Really?” He asks doubtfully.

 

She looks curiously at him and knows instantly that he’s remembering. Soft, warm kisses and legs entangling under blankets; handcuffs and rabbits and the headboard rocking steadily with each thrust; waking up in bed with their arms around one another and falling asleep to the soothing thump of their heartbeats, beating together like part of a symphony.

 

She knows that the real reason for that question is what came after those perfect, peaceful nights between them. She knows that he’s remembering those times, too: waiting up for him hopefully but falling asleep before he comes home; finding him passed out on the couch in the morning, the strong smell of alcohol still lingering in the air; going out partying and clubbing with Karen and Arthur almost nightly; shouting matches when he finally sobers up and, after almost a year of being together, telling her that he isn’t ready to give up being young. Leaving her flat the next morning and never coming back. 

 

She supposes she’s thankful he broke up with her after her final day of shooting on Who. She isn’t sure she would’ve been strong enough to face him, even at work. Sure, they saw each other at the occasional convention but they never stayed alone together long enough to ever have a proper conversation since they separated. She doesn’t blame him at all - she had known from the start that she would never be enough for someone like Matt.

 

So she smiles softly up at him and says, “Really.”

 

His whole body relaxes visibly and he smiles wider at her. “You’re doing well, Kingston.” He says. “The play is amazing.”

 

“Thank you, darling.” She says. The tension is dissipating slightly, though there is still a little awkwardness in the air, lurking quietly in the space between them. They’re both sitting at opposite ends of the couch, and it feels so unnatural. Clearing her throat, she says, “You’ve been doing well too, haven’t you?”

 

“Oh, just normal.” He says modestly, ears reddening slightly. 

 

“Nonsense!” She exclaims, her smile brighter now. “You were up for an Emmy, Matt, that’s hardly normal.”

 

She remembers the day she found out that Matt had become an Emmy nominee. She was delighted for him, and in a rare show of reaching out, she’d texted him her congratulations. That was the extent of their relationship nowadays - sporadic texts back and forth every few months.

 

“It’s great, you know. But it’s also funny.” He shakes his head thoughtfully. “The moment my career took off, everything else took a dive.”

 

She understands - of course she does. She’d been nominated for a major award the same year her first husband had left her.

 

“What do you mean?” She asks, tilting her head. “Aren’t you with Hazel anymore?”

 

She’d heard talk about Matt’s perfect relationship with the beautiful model. She never asked him about her for fear of realising that she’d meant less to him than he did to her, and he never said anything anyway. But last she’d heard that things were getting serious between them; there were rumours of them out house-hunting. And even before that, almost everyone was speculating an engagement kept under wraps after Hazel was seen with a ring while out on a date with Matt.

 

A shadow crosses over Matt’s face and he looks away, clearly uncomfortable. “That, uh - things didn’t work out between us.”

 

“Oh,” Alex says, a little surprised. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Nah, it’s okay.” He waves a hand in the air dismissively. “It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. And she wasn’t - ”

 

She tilts her head questioningly at him but he doesn’t continue, looking flustered.

 

“How about you, Kingston?” He says instead. She accepts the change of topic, sensing that he isn’t ready to share what went wrong with him and Hazel. “Break any hearts lately?”

 

She lets out a hearty laugh at that.  _ Oh, Matthew. _ Her entire life had consisted of people breaking  _ her _ heart - Ralph, Florian, even Matt himself - she’d never been the one to leave in any of her major relationships. The irony makes her chuckle.

 

“I’m afraid not recently, darling.” She tells him.

 

“Oh? But last time I saw you you were with - oh, what’s the name - Ricky?”

 

“Richard.” She corrects, eyeing him suspiciously. “That didn’t work out, either. I suppose I’m condemned to a life of singledom.” 

 

“Aw, don’t say that.”

 

“It’s true, and I’m fine with that.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Love isn’t for everyone, I suppose.”

 

A look flashes across his eyes and she almost misses it. But she manages to catch a brief glimpse of it and she frowns. Why is Matt reacting in such a way?

 

He clears his throat after a while and looks at Alex carefully, like he’s still choosing his words.

 

“I’ve… I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately,” he says slowly, and Alex frowns. “I miss you.” He says finally, looking up at her and looking into her eyes. He swallows a little nervously. “So much. For so long.”

 

He reaches his hand out on the sofa, his fingertips barely brushing hers before she pulls away and shakes her head.

 

“Don’t,” she says, swallowing her tears. She’s serious now - all trace of the previous friendliness gone from her features and all that’s left is Alex. Pure, vulnerable Alex. “Please, don’t, Matt.”

 

He doesn’t say anything. He watches her take a deep breath and control herself, but the tears in her eyes never fully disappear.

 

“Why are you here?” She asks, sounding like she’s choking back sobs, and Matt looks away guiltily.

 

“I miss you.” He says again simply.

 

Her lips thin as she presses them together. “Is that the truth?”

 

“Of course it is.” He says.

 

He gives her a look of sincerity and she looks down at her knees, unable to control the sudden onslaught of emotions wreaking havoc in her body. Her bottom lip is trembling and her hands are curled into fists as she tries to stop herself from sobbing outright in front of him. 

 

Honestly, how  _ dare  _ he? How dare he come breezing in and out of her life as he pleases? How dare he say that he misses her when  _ he  _ was the one who left, leaving her to pick up the pieces by herself? How dare he throw her heart around, kick it like a ball at a soccer match, and come back throwing the pieces at her feet?

 

“I can't,” she says finally, just a mere whisper in the air. She shakes her head again. “I'm sorry, Matt, I just - I can't. It's one thing to leave but another to be left and I - I'm too tired to go down this road again.”

 

He nods once, understanding. But the sadness and the regret etched plainly on his face is crystal clear for her to see. She looks ahead, avoiding eye contact with him even as she senses him moving closer to her on the sofa. 

 

“I'm sorry. And I completely understand,” he starts. He tests the waters by taking her hand, and when she doesn't pull away, he grips it tighter. “Just please know that I'm different now. I've grown older, my tastes have changed. My priorities va e changed. I'm not young or stupid anymore.”

 

He manages a smile and continues, “But if we can't have that, then at least we'll still be friends, yeah? We haven't spoken a lot these past few years.”

 

She gives a stiff nod, not trusting herself to speak without bursting into tears. He's now closer to her than he's been in years, and she can smell his cologne and his aftershave. She shuts her eyes tightly and takes a deep, shuddering breath, looking down at her knees again. 

 

A part of her had known since the start. She'd just buried it deep down inside, refusing to admit, even to herself, that she never really fell out of love with Matthew Smith. 

 

And having him so closer to her, telling her that he misses her, is digging up feelings she'd been very careful to repress inside her heart. And she doesn't know what to do about it.

 

“It was really nice seeing you, Kingston.” he says softly. He presses a warm kiss to her cheek and stands. “You really were brilliant tonight, you know? You always are.”

 

He turns to leave as she watches and instantly she's back in Cardiff, on the last day of her stay before flying back to LA. Boxes of Matt's clothes, his soap and his toothbrush, his razor and his shaving cream sits neatly in a pile outside her door.

 

She watches as he looks around the flat for anything he might've left behind, and she tries desperately not to cry. He sees her and approaches, enveloping her in a warm hug and he presses his lips to her forehead softly. 

 

“I'm sorry I can't be the one to make you happy,” he whispers. “I just… I'm not ready yet, Kingston.”

 

He leaves and she sits in a pool of her own tears. 

 

A loud, choking sob wrenches from her throat, her body shaking slightly. He doesn't hesitate, taking his seat beside her again and wrapping his arms around her frame, shushing her quietly. She buries her face in her hands, crying as quietly as she can, but it seems like all the pain and heartache she's been pushing aside has finally taken a toll on her, and she cries with the force of all her pent up emotions. 

 

“I never expected you to come back after that.” she tells him, in between sobs and hiccups. He rubs her back in a soothing motion as she turns towards him. “Because when you left everything had been so…  _ final _ . And even after that - you never showed any sign that you'd even thought about me. And it hurt so, so much because I thought about you  _ constantly _ .”

 

“I did,” he confesses quietly. “I missed you the moment I left but I was so proud and stupid and selfish. And I'm so sorry about that, Alex, I truly am, if I'd known how much I hurt you I never would've left.”

 

“You were young.”

 

“And  _ so _ stupid,” he says again quietly. “Because I was so mad that you never even  _ tried _ to make me stay. And - and some part of me was so, so angry that I just - tried to move on. It didn't work, by the way.” he informs her, as an afterthought. “Nothing worked. I missed you so,  _ so  _ much.”

 

Some part of her wants to believe him with all her heart but another part reminded her that he already broke it. She misses him too. That much she knows. And to see him like this, without warning, trying to get her back again - it's doing a number on her emotions and she  _ doesn't know what to think _ .

 

Matt moves quickly, taking both her hands in his and giving both her knuckles a gentle kiss before pressing them into his chest. 

 

“I'm so,  _ so _ sorry,” he apologises again, and she opens her mouth, wanting to tell him that it's okay and it doesn't matter anymore, but he continues before she can. “I do miss you terribly. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder why I'd ever given up the chance to be next to you. But I was a different person then. I never should've left you, but I'm glad I did because I needed to change. I needed to grow up and be worthy of you.”

 

He smiled hopefully at her. “So if you can, just please let me prove myself. I won't hurt you and I won't leave. I  _ promise _ you that, Alex.” He presses another kiss to her hands. “It's all up to you.”

 

Alex sighs heavily. “Matt, I miss you too.” she admits. “But everytime I look at you I see you leaving.”

 

“I'm sorry.” he whispers again.

 

She leans in closer, a lone tear travelling down her cheek. “Please don't leave me again.”

 

“I won't, I swear.” he says, squeezing her hands tighter in his.

 

“Good.” she breathes, and she closes the gap between them. 

 

She seals the promise with a kiss that's sweet and melts her insides. His hands find her hair and her back while her arms wrap around his shoulders. She tries to keep the tears at bay but she doesn't manage - they fall as she kisses him, tears of sadness, pain and heartache, and finally letting go of all of that for better, happier things. Things like  _ Matt. _

 

They break apart and Matt presses his forehead into hers. 

 

“Before I forget,” he says, thumb tracing her lip, “I love you.”

 

She smiles tearfully up at him. “I love you too.”

 

_ Now I've found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again.  _


End file.
